Kamu Tidak Mati Saat Kamu Patah Hati
7:37:00 pm
Teman-temanku terkasih,
aku tahu apa rasanya putus cinta. Sakitnya tuh di sini!
Aku tahu bagaimana rasanya mencintai seseorang begitu dalam namun selang beberapa ratus jam saja aku mendapati kata-kata cinta yang dia pernah ungkapkan sudah kadaluwarsa. Expired. Karena apa? Entahlah. Mungkin ada wanita lain yang lebih menarik hatinya. Mungkin aku sudah lebih cerewet daripada dulu. Mungkin dia menyerah dengan hubungan ini.
Sahabat, aku masih ingat betul luapan air mata yang mengalir tak lama setelah kata "Putus" diucapkan oleh kedua belah pihak--aku dan dirinya. Aku tak memungkiri bahwa make-up atau perhiasan yang kukenakan setelahnya adalah usahaku untuk menutupi mata sembab, senyum penuh paksaan, dan sorot mata yang kosong. Semuanya kulakukan karena aku telah kehilangan orang yang selama ini berada di sampingku.
Mungkin ratusan kali aku menggumam dalam hati bahwa aku harus menjadi wanita tegar, tahan banting, dan oleh karenanya aku tak boleh menangis karena itu adalah tanda ke-cengeng-an yang tidak bisa ditoleransi! Tapi.. kali ini aku menyerah. Mulut berkata, "Aku bisa melupakanmu!" tetapi nurani berbicara, "Bukankah kita bisa memperbaiki semua ini?"
Aku tahu rasanya patah hati. Seperti mau mati saja rasanya.
Kawan, ijinkan aku mempersembahkan sebuah puisi dari Mandy Hale. Ini bukan deretan syair yang akan membuatmu tertawa, tetapi percayalah kamu akan punya alasan untuk menahan tetesan air matamu demi sesuatu yang lebih berharga dari sekedar putus cinta. Mengapa? Karena sesungguhnya putus cinta tidak akan membuatmu mati. Sebaliknya, kamu justru sedang memulai sebuah hidup baru.
It Should Kill You, But It Doesn’t
It should kill you, being told you’re not loved.
It should kill you but it doesn’t.
It feels like it’s going to.
In the silence, after words like that drop their weight onto your heart…all you can do is struggle to draw a breath and pray that life will somehow magically rewind to the moment before the person you loved and trusted most in the world said them to you.
But it doesn’t.
In the long, impenetrable stillness, after words like that are spoken…you stare at the one across from you in a desperate attempt to recognize a glimpse of the person you know and love. Instead you find staring back at you the cold, removed gaze of a stranger.
What about all the laughter? All the tears? All the passion? All the joys? All the pain? All the years? All the kisses? All the history? Where is it all now? The years of pulling and pushing and forgiving and forgetting and fighting and loving? Has the story been rewritten? The pages ripped out? Who changed the ending without telling you? How could this possibly be the final scene?
“I’m not in love with you.”
“I’m no longer attracted to you.”
“I don’t want to be with you.”
Words spoken with the precision and steel of a blade being thrust into your chest. And isn’t that what each sentence like that is? A slash to your heart? Until the blood and tears run together and you’re blinded by the pain and you can no longer remember what it feels like to be whole?
It should kill you…but it doesn’t.
Instead it leaves you wounded. Flattened. Broken.
But alive.
Curled up in a ball on the floor, but alive. Isn’t it odd how great joy and great pain both draw tears from your eyes? How love and loss both take your breath away? Such a thin line between hurt and hope. Between tragedy and triumph. Between sorrow and strength.
It should kill you…but it doesn’t.
Instead, it leaves you stronger.
It’s a strength you didn’t know a week ago. An hour ago. Five minutes ago. You didn’t ask for it. You’d gladly give it back if you could. But you can’t. It’s yours. An unyielding and unapologetic gift given to you by the one who also just finally…FINALLY…handed you the gift of closure.
Not closure by death. Closure by LIFE. New life. One without him in it.
For every life that ends…another begins.
Your life with him is over. With the slash of his words, the invisible cord that always seemed to bind you to him is finally severed. Your heart feels vacant, but at peace. And what is that flash of SOMETHING you feel underneath all the pain? Something bordering on…relief?
This slashing, this cutting, this severing, this emptying, this hurting, this bleeding…
It should kill you, but it doesn’t.
Instead it sets you free.
Sumber: http://thesinglewoman.net/2014/10/22/kill-doesnt/
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