I remember being 9 and feeling like I was basically an adult. 

Going from 9 to 10 felt like this massive leap, and they were right next to each other. 

In my head back then, being 9 meant I was a heartbeat away from 10, so I figured I was officially qualified to drop the "little kid" title. 

It was a weird but totally real feeling. 

After spending 9 years on Planet Earth as an Indonesian citizen, I literally thought, "Wow, I’ve been alive for a really long time."

But then, those 9 years were followed by another 9 years, and another, and another. 

Funny thing is, after four rounds of 9 years, I still don't feel old enough. 

I mean, physically, sure, the gray hairs popping up are proof enough. 

But honestly? There is still so much I just don't get. 

The world isn't infinite, but it’s definitely not as small as I thought it was when I was a kid. 

There’s too much music left unheard, too many books unread, so much knowledge out of reach, and yet the clock just keeps ticking. 

Time is running out, and it stops whenever the hell it wants to.

There are so many responsibilities and rules to uphold now. 

That 9-year-old kid had no clue. 

They thought life was as simple as wake up, eat, shower, school, repeat. 

They thought that when you grow up, you just swap "school" for "work" and that they were basically the same thing. 

That 9-year-old was so naive... actually, no. Let's call it what it was: stupid and reckless. 

Reckless because, without any real preparation, they just kept pushing through year after year. 

They didn't even have the right questions to weigh how heavy the baggage would get down the road.

And you know when people around you love to say, "Just be yourself, and we’ll accept you exactly as you are"? 

Honestly, that’s a pretty dangerous statement, even if it sounds comforting. 

The truth is, if people actually knew the dark, twisted thoughts in your head, you’d be abandoned in a heartbeat. 

And if they truly understood what "family" meant, they wouldn’t just invite anyone into their circle based on a cheap "just be yourself" tagline.

In the end, you don't wanna let that 9-year-old you see you today.